why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
