I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
