He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
