Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
two words...techno handjob
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
