Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
