bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
