i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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