i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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