Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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