All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i think my cat just said my name.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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