Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Randomize
