I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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