So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
