All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
