I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
