Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't turn off my feet"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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