i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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