I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
