I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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