Pants 0. Shit 1.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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