can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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