Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
