Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
