i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
