What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
