wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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