Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
