My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
please come you make the beer taste better
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
