The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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