Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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