I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
