I just cut my nipple shaving
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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