have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
