Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
its not stalking. its research.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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