I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize