dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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