I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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