i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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