i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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