Michael Bay diarrhea
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
