Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Apparently you make a good broom.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We were destined to go to rehab together
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
