ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
