I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize