So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
