Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
