very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
