Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
sarcasm needs its own font
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
