Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
