you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
