You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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