she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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