The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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