so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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