His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
