His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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