ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
