all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
