you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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