First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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