Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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