If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
