i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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