He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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