Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize