two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
